For a long time in my 20s, I would hide away. I would avoid certain places at certain times and “meetups” with people that I deemed would be too stressful!
I would be “worried” for months about what certain people thought of me. What would happen if they didn’t like me? What would it be like if they saw how nervous I was? I would panic about being overwhelmed in social situations. You may know that heart-throbbing, body sweating, and wanting to run away kind of thing!
The first time I met people it was okay, as I knew I didn’t have anything to lose.
The second time I met someone, the pressure was on. It was like I had to live up to this high standard of being the best. Or they would judge me!
I would go through all these scenarios in my head. As if thinking them through would allow me to find a way out. I would turn up the emotions. Letting myself be bombarded by as many thoughts and emotions as I could. As if this immersion of emotions and thoughts would make the worry go away. Instead, it left me crying and muttering in frustration.
I went to a psychiatrist who said I was just “sensitive“, “get over it and get out there in the world”. With that, I decided to find out more information. I went to college, trained as a counselor, and then went to university to become a psychotherapist.
I have spent the last 27 years working with people from all walks of life with anxiety, low mood, mental health problems, and long-term illness. Still, I could see how much I messed myself up, still trying to fit into everyone else’s point of view. It was like a coat I wore.
With my husband, I became what he wanted me to be. With my parents, I became only what they could receive of me. I morphed, I changed into whatever everyone wanted me to be. This was not a cognitive thing, it was energetic, and I never had the words for it.
Access tools opened the door for me to acknowledge this energy.
Training to become an Access Consciousness Certified Facilitator and specializing as an X-Men Facilitator I found I no longer immersed myself in the emotion. Instead, I learned to ask questions and use the tools that worked for me.
X-Men is a Specialty class from Access Consciousness that has a different way of looking at what many call “disabilities ” and “ labels”. Sensitivity is the label I was given as a child and adult, which is actually what we in X-Men classes call “awareness”.
My path with Access has been a journey to acknowledge what I am aware of, how to use that to my advantage. What have you shut down of you in favour of someone else or your own point of view?
Diminishing you in favour of others is a path many of us take on. Here area few tools that can help you with this.
1. Stop judging. Judgment starts the cycle of distractor implants. Distractor implants are where we go into the cycle of blame, guilt, regret, and fear, to name a few. Which we then perpetuate that on ourselves and our bodies.
If you choose not to judge, and not make you wrong for any of your choices, it opens up an allowance and a kindness that you can build on.
2. Acknowledge your awareness. You can ask: Who or what am I aware of here? Who does it belong to? If it isn’t yours, you can return it to the sender with consciousness attached. I learned this tool in my first Bars class. There is not one day, in the last five years, that I have not used it. It gives me the greatest acknowledgment that I am aware, and that there is nothing wrong with this.
3. Ask this question: “If I didn’t make me wrong, what can I be? ” Notice the wording–we don’t say “who can I be?” X-Men have so many capacities that it is more useful to use “what” in this question. By allowing ourselves to be, we open up more to the abilities we have, that we have made wrong. This is an ongoing journey for me.
What if there are no limitations?
Author: Jeni Be CF